Psalm 37, Pete Townsend, Stubborn Clouds, and Delusions of Grandeur?

To be quite honest- for one of the few times in my entire nineteen years of existence I am practically at a loss for words. I am insanely confused… yet, insanely… content? What a few weeks it has been! I am sorry that I got behind on the blogging (I warned you that it would happen!) Yikes! Warning: this might be a long one.
God is doing something remarkable here. He is doing something obnoxiously, dangerously, radically, remarkable. As of yesterday I leave for Angola in officially ONE MONTH! I am so excited!!! (and that should be given an award for ‘Understatement of the Century!’) Haha, but seriously. God is transforming me in some pretty indescribable ways these days. He is kneading at my heart so deliberately, so mercilessly, and I stand amazed. This blog is going to be all over the place, my apologies. But I am going to attempt to describe to you a little bit about what is happening here.
Okay. Here goes:
Try to bear with me through this painfully cheesy analogy--
This is literally what I feel like:
I am holding a dozen red balloons. (The color is actually irrelevant… I just like the color red.) Each of these balloons can symbolize… people I love, places I love, memories I love, ideas I love, passions I have, goals I want to reach, etc. You get the idea. If I do not hold onto each one tightly it just… slips away. I feel like I am so tangled up in the strings of all of my balloons that I’m not paying any attention to (nor can I control) what is just… slipping away. By gripping one balloon string too tightly, I might accidentally set another free. Get the idea?

Here is where I am going to try to pull all of this in together. God has shown me something amazing within the past few weeks. First, check out Psalm 37:4- “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.” Lately, my prayer has been for God to narrow my focus and break me so that I can see ONLY Him. I asked that my will would be conformed so that my desires matched those He has for me. This He did. As so many things begin this week- continuing with work, heading off to Camp, building new relationships, preparing for Angola… God has shown me that He will not instill such strong desires in my heart without fulfilling and maturing them if they are of Him. I cannot even begin to describe this peace to you. While so many of my balloons are at risk of slipping away… why should I worry? If I possess a desperateness that is of God to tightly grip each one of those balloons- He will act. He will make it happen. God has not forgotten the work that has been done (Hebrews 6:10)… He is using it! Maybe this means temporarily letting go of a balloon or two so that others can be subject to a tighter, more focused grip. When the time is right- God may shoo some of those stray balloons back. But at the same time… some of those balloons may ascend into a mysterious abyss only to burst …and never to be seen again.

This might make no sense to you, and I’m sorry… but point in case: God is not going to make you painfully passionate about something for which He has no intention of using you. This might mean that He breaks you in the process. This might mean that He takes it from you before introducing it to your walk again. This could mean… many things. But if He has shown me anything it is that He is not going to allow His desire in me to just… dissolve. I want to challenge you to take some time this week and think about the “desires of your heart.” Are they Godly desires? What is the one thing you truly “desire” right now, and from where does that desire stem? Begin (or continue) to pray about what God will do with those desires in terms of transformation in the coming weeks. I hope that He will bring you the same peace He brought to me 

Here’s what my soundtrack looks like this week:

Grow- JJ Heller
Now or Never- Steve Means
You Said- Shane and Shane

Check these out if you get a chance! Here's a start-