These Precious Minutes Burn.

Whoa! It has been quite a busy few weeks! There are so many incredible things I could blog about... but I'm really much better at talking than blogging- so ask me about the hapennings of my life right now!

Ok- before you do anything. Click on the link below and listen to the song "Precious Minutes."

http://www.myspace.com/daveandjessray

Last week I was able to work with a ton of wonderful people as we prepared for FCA's Leadership/Surf camp at UNCW. Awesome week to say the least. God penetrated the hearts of so many, and His presence was apparent. As a few of the huddle leaders talked on Thursday night, we decided that one of the most challenging aspects of camp life is the fact that God has given us, as leaders, only one week to spend with these campers. During this one week, you must exhaust all options of communication, relationship building, and EVERYTHING ELSE! Naturally, we are fully aware that only God can move in the hearts of the students, but we were all struggling with and coming to terms with the fact that through only five days with campers, we must face all of the challenges that come with the desire to plant a seed. (Check out Luke 8:4-15). As soon as campers arrived last Monday- we hit the ground running. There was little to no time to second guess or second check anything said or done. God had prayerfully prepared us to run full speed ahead with gospel in hand.
What an incredible seven days of pure chaos, confusion, exhaustion, discofort, faithfulness, openness, praise, and thankfulness! So this got me thinking... what would my walk look like in the coming months if I prayerfully submitted to EVERYTHING I was being called to do and pursued it without second thought or reserve? Now this does not entail recklessness or disobedience... just raw servitude to Christ.
Someone told me yesterday that I seem to "pick the most inopportune times to blurt out the most important things." I found this sort of humorous... and couldn't disagree. My defense was that if some things are not said at one specific moment... they can quickly become irrelevant. What would my converstions look like if I had the same attitude when it came to making disciples?
Hopefully you have listened to "Precious Minutes" at this point. If you have not... scroll up to the link and check it out now. Think about what the chorus says "These precious minutes burn." How true is this!? I waste so much time playing with fire instead of running toward it confidently. Fight fire with fire. I am ablaze because I am of Jesus- so what reason have I to be timid or spend an unhealthy amount of time "deciding" (and I use the term "deciding" loosely as I often do) upon what God has or has not called me to pursue? Pursue the gospel. Pursue Jesus. Daily, I am presentd with SO MANY opportunites to "plant seeds." As my minutes burn away, how will I spend them? How will you spend yours? Dr. David Jeremiah (What in the World is Going On) says "That is the key to pleasing the Lord in these days- continue to work diligently at what God has called you to do. Believing in the imminent return of Jesus involves more than simply waiting. It is a matter of working while we wait. Working hard. Working faithfully. Working in the power and joy and filling of the Holy Spirit."
That is simply the prayer that God has given me over the past few days. As I've shared with some of you this week- my Summer has been so interesting. As God draws me closer to Him, I've felt led to eliminate any distractions, any questionable pursuits, and anything blocking my view of ONLY Him. God is showing me that I cannot add anything to Him or take anything from Him. I want to spend this week fearlessly pursuing the gospel and all that comes with it. I want to challenge you to pray the same if God puts it on your heart. When God gives you words or opportunity, embrace it! Pick those inopportune moments to say important things :)
I'm thankful this week for the renewed confidence that the Lord has given to me. Not a confidence in myself, but in all of the areas in which He is using me. God is finally showing me pieces of Himself that I have been waiting to see! My favorite scripture comes from Jer. 33:3 as God makes promises of restoration and peace(Search for ME and I will show you great and hidden things that you have not known!) This has held true this entire summer. I will only be shown what is hidden when I search for Him. With this, comes promised peace and restoration just as it was to this weeping prophet. So this week, whatever your burden... whatever your concern, don't make what is of this world a priority. Search for hidden opportunities to present the gospel. Pray for and seek out divine appointments. God will use this desire to plant seeds where He "sow" desires. (I love puns.)
As you are already aware, I'm not that great at focusing my thoughts. So, sorry that this blog, as all of the others, is ALL over the place. Thanks for reading! And seriously... ask me about my summer. Ask about my week and how we witnessed God work at UNCW. Ask me about what I'm learning about David and his heart! Please continue to pray for the planting and multiplying of spiritually growing Churches in Angola (Luena, specifically.) Please let me know how I can pray for each of YOU this week! Thanks so much for all of your encouragement and questions and...EVERYTHING!! You guys are so amazing and I am thankful for all of you!

Remember your minutes this week.

Psalm 37, Pete Townsend, Stubborn Clouds, and Delusions of Grandeur?

To be quite honest- for one of the few times in my entire nineteen years of existence I am practically at a loss for words. I am insanely confused… yet, insanely… content? What a few weeks it has been! I am sorry that I got behind on the blogging (I warned you that it would happen!) Yikes! Warning: this might be a long one.
God is doing something remarkable here. He is doing something obnoxiously, dangerously, radically, remarkable. As of yesterday I leave for Angola in officially ONE MONTH! I am so excited!!! (and that should be given an award for ‘Understatement of the Century!’) Haha, but seriously. God is transforming me in some pretty indescribable ways these days. He is kneading at my heart so deliberately, so mercilessly, and I stand amazed. This blog is going to be all over the place, my apologies. But I am going to attempt to describe to you a little bit about what is happening here.
Okay. Here goes:
Try to bear with me through this painfully cheesy analogy--
This is literally what I feel like:
I am holding a dozen red balloons. (The color is actually irrelevant… I just like the color red.) Each of these balloons can symbolize… people I love, places I love, memories I love, ideas I love, passions I have, goals I want to reach, etc. You get the idea. If I do not hold onto each one tightly it just… slips away. I feel like I am so tangled up in the strings of all of my balloons that I’m not paying any attention to (nor can I control) what is just… slipping away. By gripping one balloon string too tightly, I might accidentally set another free. Get the idea?

Here is where I am going to try to pull all of this in together. God has shown me something amazing within the past few weeks. First, check out Psalm 37:4- “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.” Lately, my prayer has been for God to narrow my focus and break me so that I can see ONLY Him. I asked that my will would be conformed so that my desires matched those He has for me. This He did. As so many things begin this week- continuing with work, heading off to Camp, building new relationships, preparing for Angola… God has shown me that He will not instill such strong desires in my heart without fulfilling and maturing them if they are of Him. I cannot even begin to describe this peace to you. While so many of my balloons are at risk of slipping away… why should I worry? If I possess a desperateness that is of God to tightly grip each one of those balloons- He will act. He will make it happen. God has not forgotten the work that has been done (Hebrews 6:10)… He is using it! Maybe this means temporarily letting go of a balloon or two so that others can be subject to a tighter, more focused grip. When the time is right- God may shoo some of those stray balloons back. But at the same time… some of those balloons may ascend into a mysterious abyss only to burst …and never to be seen again.

This might make no sense to you, and I’m sorry… but point in case: God is not going to make you painfully passionate about something for which He has no intention of using you. This might mean that He breaks you in the process. This might mean that He takes it from you before introducing it to your walk again. This could mean… many things. But if He has shown me anything it is that He is not going to allow His desire in me to just… dissolve. I want to challenge you to take some time this week and think about the “desires of your heart.” Are they Godly desires? What is the one thing you truly “desire” right now, and from where does that desire stem? Begin (or continue) to pray about what God will do with those desires in terms of transformation in the coming weeks. I hope that He will bring you the same peace He brought to me 

Here’s what my soundtrack looks like this week:

Grow- JJ Heller
Now or Never- Steve Means
You Said- Shane and Shane

Check these out if you get a chance! Here's a start-

Public Displays of Perfection

So this is my second blog entry in one week... not bad? So today- here's was overwhelming my cerebral cortex:

Normal. What is it? Where does it come from? and...Have I/you ever known it?

Last night Courtney and I were sitting in my car at approximately 10:35pm EST when we were having this conversation. What is a normal "relationship," a normal "friendship," a normal "family," a normal "attitude," a normal "response"...etc. What in the world does "NORMAL" even entail!!?! And that, my friends, is the very key to how we seek "normal." THE WORLD.

Perhaps we tend replace "normal" with "perfection." And perfection, as we know too well, is unattainable on this earth. In actuality, I think normal might be everything we don't want it to be... everything except perfection. Normal, is in a sense, what we think is "abnormal..." i.e. hurt, betrayal, confusion, complicatons, stumbles, tripping over your own feet at very in-opportune times, telling lame jokes, experiencing awkward words/moments/questions...etc. The "abnormal" might actually be the only "norm" anything can be compared to because it is the only thing we all have in common. When we utter those words "I just want things to return to 'normal'" ...what do we actually mean by that? I was just thinking about it.

Here's something else to think about: choices. the road less traveled. the unexplored option. I don't have much light to shed on this subject... I've just been thinking it over. God is bringing me to this point where He is giving me two clearly defined paths in almost every area of my life. With no doubt, I can tell you that I will be directed down the lighted paths... I would just like to know when I'll get there! It's 11:11 right now... fake a wish.

Feelings. What do people mean when they ask you how you are "feeling?" Does it even matter? DUH. It matters. Right now God is using the words of Elisabeth Elliot to teach me about discipline in all areas... specifically the area of feelings...which surprisingly, I have! Check out what she has to say: "Feelings will not, as a rule, help us very much. Although impulse is not invariably bad, more often than not the choice will be between principle and impulse. What I ought to do and what I feel like doing are seldom the same thing. Be holy. Let us be honest in recognizing feelings and honest enough to reject them when they are wrong" -EE, Discipline, The Glad Surrender I understand God calling me to close a door. He will guide me in my response to His call (my normally abnormal response).

Whatever you are doing right now... stop it and read the third chapter of Ezekiel. then think about this quote I snagged from JE's diary:
"This problem of meeting a culture with truth from God is the most difficult kind of thing. One comes as a renovator, a conditioner of society, and society is in no mood to be conditioned. The fixedness of the human mind is the 'wall of Jericho' to Gospel preaching. God must shake, or there will be no shaking."- Ed McCully

Testimonies. Where to begin? Seriously...completing my testimony packet this week- pray that God gives words.

PROVISION! 3.825/5 of support goal as of this afternoon! Jehovah Jireh!

So, as aforementioned... I am terrible when it comes to collecting my thoughts... much less distributing them. My mother would not be proud (this is funny if you pick up on it!) Sorry this blog had no definite form or flow ...or much less, point. Or did it? Oh dear. Well, I feel like Gossip Girl or something with all this blogging that I'm doing...
On a serious note. Thank you all so much for all of the support you have given. I can never formulate the words to express my unconditional love for ALL of you! Thank you for your prayers and your encouraging words... and to those of you who have written songs about Africa :) God is teaching me so much about His timing, His provision, and His will... not only for August, but for His people.

In "Angolan," -- Glória a Deus! Glória a Deus! Aleluia! Louvado seja Deus!!!

Two songs I've been listening to all day:
Alli Rogers-- The Things We Can and Cannot Keep
http://new.music.yahoo.com/alli-rogers/tracks/things-we-can-and-cannot-keep--184195405

Jack Savoretti--No Ones Aware

Ramble Ramble, Lenses, and the Alpha Attached to Every Omega.

Ok. I suppose I should jump on the Summer Project bandwagon and finally commit to a blog so that you all can be informed of the very unimportant details of my extremely insignificant thoughts. Right? Right. Well, let's start here.
1) I am a terrible blogger. I have no particular reason for this. I am just a terrible blogger. Look for my next post in about a year?
2) I talk/write/think/ramble/babble etc. stream of conciousness style. Maybe this will be good for me? A blog might be a nice way to concentrate all of my thoughts?
3) I want to keep you all up to date on the happenings of my walk in these two short months before I ship off to Angola! As aforementioned, I am not the best thought collector or distributor, so please be patient with me as I endeavor into the blogging realm!
4) We are going to start this blog off Middle Eastern style. This story is not going to begin with the beginning, but begin rather in the middle. The Middle begins the end of the initial beginning and begins the unknown end. FYI- I do most things backwards... and this will emphasize the importance of Alphas (beginnings) and Omegas (ends.)
5) So now that I have utterly confused you, please uncrinkle your brow as I begin to explain to you the Middle.

Essentially, the idea of this blog is to track thoughts, growth, prayers, struggles, smiles, confusion, giggles, eye-rolls, tears, joys, thanks...etc. in these next two months as God prepares my heart, tongue, and spirit for the work He is doing now, as well as for the work He is doing in August through our team. Which is why we must start in the middle. We must begin with what God is doing right NOW. This does not mean that I am willing to discredit what God HAS done and this does not mean that I am willing to discredit what God WILL do. This means that I am beginning with how God is working NOW, in the middle... [dramatic pause!]

I am currently experiencing this new sensation... and it is a combination of overwhelming excitement and sheer terror! These next few months are packed FULL of of new people, new places, new ...everything! And I have no idea where to start...! I am so thankful for the work being done here! God is ruthlessly and pitilessly growing and refining my spirit each day... each hour! He is destroying my inhibition and giving me an irrisistable desire to run with all that He has done and all that He has overcome. Which... as generally necessary, God has chosen to crush me in an undeniable way. In these past few months, God has penetrated my heart so fully, and given me a desire to seek out an understanding for brokenness and humility. As God unveiled such a prayer, He began to answer it slowly... without reserve. So here I am. I am in waiting (as I often am) about innumerous things...
This week, as we began a new sermon series at FBC Jax, Jason explained the importance of viewing what is ahead of us through the "lens of the Spirit" rather than through the "lens of our experiences." If you know me, you know that I LOVE taking photos... ergo, my subject obviously determines my choice of lens when I bust out Nikki the Nikon. I could use a bunch of cliches here and say that "Ooh, I SO needed to hear that on Sunday morning." or "God REALLY gripped my heart as Jason preached that sermon!" or, my personal favorite, "Jason said those words, and I KNEW he was talking to ME!" And while those cliches would hold relevant truths, they would each be devastating understatements. Sunday morning I was shown that I cannot avoid brokenness if I want to continue down the path. By viewing that which is to come through the "lense of experience," I am distorting what is seen because of scratches to the lens, or a freak reflection, or maybe even some unavoidable fog? It simply cannot be done if you are seeking a clear photo. As a believer, God created me to be a vessel. He created me to be a communicator. He created me to be a lover, an appreciator, and a joyful worshipper in the midst of pain and blemish. The "lens of the spirit" is clear. It is focused. It accurately measures distance and light. Because it is well cared for, it functions properly even when scratched, dented, or occasionally dropped onto the concrete!
Someone insanely special to me said these wise words recently:
"Imagine your pain at its greatest height. Imagine yourself at your lowest low. Dwell on it for a moment. Now... Imagine yourself through it. Not enduring it, not struggling... but all of the way through your trial. Imagine yourself at the exact moment that you are set free and what will be done with your story."
So here I am. I am changing lenses. God is slowly unveiling the beauty of His mercy through reconciliation as He has so many times before. The beginning of this story will never change, that is why it was omitted. God knew He would allow it before I even came to be. He knew that such a beginning would serve as a struggle and an obstacle. He knew that such a beginning... would require a broken heart and a spirit that craved the power of the Gospel and the power of Grace.
This is the middle. This is the power of the Cross allowing me to look through an unblemished lens because of undeserved Mercy. The Beginning does not determine the End nearly as much as the Middle. I'm letting go of all reserve, anxiety, and insecurity. This is not because of my own strength, but because it has already been overcome.
So here's to the second half of the story... the second half begins with Summer and all of the "new" it has to offer. Here's to being thankful for the nation of Angola. Here's to being thankful for Grace and for freedoms. Here's to loving effortlessly and fearlessly. Here's to re-igniting a dry spirit. Here's to beach trips, and plane tickets, and long prayers, and not so random text messages containing scripture. Here's to waiting on the bigger, CLEARER, picture.

And this, my friends, is the final sentence of my first Summer Project Blog.